Wake Up Feeling...

9/14/18

Yesterday I woke up feeling awesome and unstoppable. I made a video from my phone saying so and posted it on Instagram, something I'm very new at. I half joked that since my hair and earrings were looking good and in place, I was sure to have a great day. And I did, I felt great. Not because of anything wonderful and different that happened, this was just my feeling, my mood. And that mood stayed pretty much all day. People liked the video and some felt inspired or at least happy for me. It was great.

This morning I woke up and didn't have the same high. I didn't feel bad but I didn't feel as good as the day before. I decided to post another video about it sort of poking fun at the subtle but sudden change. Doing this alleviated things somehow. If I didn't do that, the thoughts would have probably swirled around in my head and heart, probably in a downward spiral, and I would have fretted over how bipolar I seem to be. But I know that I am not bipolar or manic. I don’t go through these highs and lows for days at a time. If anything, I am “Borderline” but my last therapist didn't think so. My sketchy self assessment is that BPD is the disorder that I ‘relate’ to the most but that I fall short of or it has simply declined with age.  

After I posted my second video, I saw a sign that said,

You won't always be motivated.

That's why you have to learn to be disciplined.

And that is what I care more about these days, not so much whether I feel on top of the world one day or randomly meh or even miserable the next. Those are just waves that reside in me and they don't last long, they’re not static. They don't define me. Well, not all of me anyway.

So I keep that in mind as I pursue my professional goals. I just recently earned my proofreading/copyediting certificate but need to brush up on the MLA, APA and Chicago styles in a big way. I earned a similar kind of certificate in 2005 but did absolutely nothing with it. I don't want that to happen again. But with the advent of online tutorials and freelancing agencies nowadays, I really feel like I can achieve what I'm setting out to do this time.

Is there something you're setting out to accomplish or have been meaning to?

By the way, I chose “From this Moment On…” as part of the title for this blog because of the song Frank Sinatra does with Nelson Riddle. I'm not nearly as big a Sinatra fan as my dad is, but because of Dad I grew up on his music and films. Apparently there are other songs with the same name but this is the one I had in mind. And not so much for its romantic sentiment- more for the looking forward-looking ahead gusto it gives :)