This is that Other Time- Kind of a Continuation

This is kind of a continuation of what I posted in July of 2015 concerning author Ned Vizzini simply entitled, Vizzini. I wrote that I didn’t know how to end it and that maybe I’ll come up with more “at another time”. Apparently, this is that ‘other time’.

Feb 9, 2019 ("It's Kind of a Funny Story" movie spoiler)

I’m so glad I wrote and posted that when I did because at one point my cousin Vincent read it and told me that he knew Ned Vizzini. This is partly why I post some of what I write- for chances to really connect, learn, be open, and grow.

Vincent and his wife Julia invited me over their house in Brooklyn for dinner and to see the film, “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” based on Vizzini’s book of the same name.

When I told my Dad why I was going over there, he said that he originally bought Vizzini's first book, Teen Angst? Nahh... for my sister first and then suggested I read it too as an afterthought. If so, it is very appropo that the date we settled on happened to be on her birthday, February 9.

I pictured myself going there without my husband Jovanny because I didn’t think he’d be interested or understand the film without Spanish subtitles. Also, "It's Kind of a Funny Story" is based on Vizzini’s suicide attempt at 16 and checking himself into a clinic, a similar experience I went through at 15. I felt this was going to be such a darkly personal, private thing, I didn’t want to go into much length or depth about it to anyone. But he knows about me at that age, and about the connection Vincent and I had with Vizzini, each in our own way.

Jovanny was originally just going to drive me to their house, drop me off, and maybe come in to say hello for a few minutes.  When we were all in the living room for awhile just before deciding to put the film on, I checked with Jovanny to see if he wanted me to help him provide a graceful kind of exit.  He indicated that he changed his mind and that he’d like to stay. I nodded back and said to myself, “Ok he’s going to watch this with me. This.” In a way I did want that, I wanted to keep sharing with him, and I still do.

Craig is the main character of the film, heavily based on Ned Vizzini. He stresses that it wasn't his parents' fault that he’s “like this” and Vincent thinks that he wasn't giving his parents enough of the responsibility. I agreed but said that some writers are like that, and the second I said the word “they” I regretted it because it sounded like I was setting us apart from “real” writers, which is not how I really feel. He quickly pointed out that he has no problem doing that, meaning calling others out and naming names in his life and work, and that it is necessary to do so.

I think Craig’s decision to not point fingers at his parents is not just a ‘writer’ thing. I think he felt guilty as a person that apparently had so much going for him in life while others have it ‘worse’. I know I felt similar when being admitted to Holliswood’s adolescent unit and the nurse shaming me for daring to do what I did, especially when I have parents who love me so much. It could also be a way of maintaining a sense of control, putting it more on yourself, since there are so many things beyond your control when you spiral far enough to want to end your life.

There’s a scene where Craig is talking to the therapist, describing his leap from kid to teen basically saying, “All of a sudden there was 'this and that' to worry about- all in one day.” (I’m paraphrasing.) Obviously horrible world events didn't just happen in one day, but to him it felt like it did. And for me, that offers insight on our sometimes faulty perceptions.

I like how they did his flashback on one of his favorite days before all the anxiety and depression permanently kicked in. He was in the 8th grade and out riding bikes with his friend throughout Brooklyn- they hit Bay Ridge, Coney Island, Park Slope, Downtown Bklyn, Bklyn Heights, and hanging out on the Brooklyn Bridge, my favorite bridge. That scene was shot in quick, exciting cuts and I wistfully said to myself, what a great “backyard” to bike around in.

I translated a couple things for Jovanny here and there but he was able to enjoy and understand it for the most part on his own. There’s a part where Craig mentions the other gifted NYC high schools. They briefly feature each one for about 5 seconds- Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech, etc. When they got up to LaGuardia, the one I had attended, pride and giddiness came over me and I hollered back a little heyyy! to the screen, raising my hands as I pretended to “raise the roof” as the kids say. And it’s funny because I didn’t always like that school or that period in my life rather- it was when I was my most suicidal for cryin’ out loud! But there’s something about owning your memories and experiences that stir something in the heart regardless, an “it’s a mess but it’s my mess” sentiment.  

In the last scene Craig’s voice-over narrates “looking ahead” shots with:

“Okay, I know you're thinking, ‘What is this? Kid spends a few days in the hospital and all his problems are cured?’ But I'm not. I know I'm not. I can tell this is just the beginning. I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends. My dad. But the difference between today and last Saturday is that for the first time in a while, I can look forward to the things I want to do in my life. Bike, eat, drink, talk. Ride the subway, read, read maps. Make maps, make art. Finish the Gates application. Tell my dad not to stress about it. Hug my mom. Kiss my little sister. Kiss my dad. Make out with Noelle. Make out with her more. Take her on a picnic. See a movie with her. See a movie with Aaron. Heck, see a movie with Nia. Have a party. Tell people my story. Volunteer at 3 North. Help people like Bobby. Like Muqtada. Like me. Draw more. Draw a person. Draw a naked person. Draw Noelle naked. Run, travel, swim, skip. Yeah, I know it's lame, but, whatever. Skip anyway. Breathe... Live.”

Live. The last word in "It's Kind of a Funny Story." Craig choosing life at the end, listing things kind of like Mark Renton does at the end of Trainspotting. I'm hit with the sad irony of knowing that three years after the film came out, Ned Vizzini decides to jump off his parents’ building at age 32. But on the other hand, he did try and live for 16 years afterwards, trying to keep his head above the water. But... sighh

In “Teen Angst…”, there’s a chapter called “Nintendo Saved Me” and in it, he envisions something funny and endearing for himself:

“Now, it's been a few years since I've curled up with a jumbo toy catalog and drooled over the video games. When Nintendo 64 (the big next-generation system) was released, I didn't even care. Still, I have this future scene all worked out: me, age forty-plus, fat,** (I'm skinny now, but over 50 percent of American men end up overweight, so I'll probably be fat later on.) and balding, waiting at a bus stop or some other nondescript place. I start daydreaming and humming, and soon I'm whistling the theme to Super Mario Brothers. And the guy next to me, a lanky guy with a beard--he whistles, too.”

I wish he had lived long enough to reach that 40+ age. Like I said, I am glad I opened up and shared my devastation when I heard the news of his suicide. Turning inward and then to the keyboard. It eventually led to this sweet, meaningful day with my cousin, his wife, and my husband. Good came out of that and if anything, has helped fortify the love within me and ease the grief.