The "OK COVID, Wrap It Up" sign

Most of this entry was made possible by the gentle, friendly pushing and holding accountable of MeetUp's Shut Up and Write group, something I attended once last year but have now participated in

one of their (free) video sessions because of the quarantine.

I'd say I've made it clear here that I am a homebody and like staying in. I do however, have a polar opposite part of me that likes to travel (Heyy, moon in Sag! ♐), explore, attend events, be around festive people as well as peaceful, quiet, reflective people and be part of the outside landscape. But in a way where I'm not being bothered either. Ideally, to not bother anyone and to not be bothered.

I came to that realization when I went to Brazil in the summer of 2004. I was sitting in the car and looking out the window, music playing on the radio, conversations, and just not being bothered. I sat there out looking at the window enjoying the moment and realized that this was an utterly ideal form of peace, of being. I've felt that sitting alone in the train next to the window, no one else really around. My jeans, sneakers, book bag, maybe headphones, heading for a long journey maybe. Destination yes, but the journey is just as important. That feeling of being totally aligned with yourself and your outside environment. I think I get this from my dad but I'm sure mom was like that too.

Some people describe this as an escape, but I don't feel that. Maybe it's getting away from your routine and responsibilities at the moment, but I feel that you're still engaging and really being a true part of something as opposed to just escaping. Integrating. I miss it a little. A tinge. It's not overwhelming yet though, it's not an ache. Maybe it's because I'm older, have traveled, have taken advantage of some of that, maybe not to the fullest, but definitely to an extent. Maybe because it's been imposed on us on a global scale. If everyone's free to move and I'm not, I'd have a FOMO itching more perhaps. But because I know that it's more or less like this everywhere, I'm "fine", I'm okay with that for the most part at least in that respect.

Went for a walk the to other day and took in what I was passing as if I were in a car passenger seat looking out the window and taking in the sights. To travel and ride in familiar streets is like a part of yourself. And it was so good to have done that.

One other thing that tugs at my heart is not being able to see my cousin's new baby, the one I missed the baby shower in February to see Marc Maron. She was born in March just as the lock down was starting, the day I decided not to go to the office anymore right before I got laid off and asked not to come back anyway lol Or it happened on my very last day where I was in the office, and saw our local Starbucks on the corner completely remove all their lounge chairs and tables and I decided that it was not worth coming here anymore.

Dudewithsign came up with another resonating one that reads, Ok COVID, Wrap It Up and a lot of people are feeling like that as a whole, anxious to reopen their stores. Some are taking it
too far with those protest signs of, "I want a haircut!" and "Let My People Golf!" Some wanted the kind
of apocalypse where you shoot and are free to roam, not where you stay in, garden, bake and sew
which are the superseding survival skills at the moment. Some point out the the first wave of the
Spanish flu was not as bad as the second and that we still need to brace ourselves because the worst
is still yet to come. I understand the need to be cautious but I understand the wanting to get back "out
there."

I transcribe every now and then and take surveys for extra pocket money as I collect unemployment. I enrolled in a (free!) modern art course at Coursera and got a little more into David Byrne's How Music Works book, something I bought a few years ago but have not been able to finish. I guess now is the time to try :) xoxox