Going to Be More

My husband gave me this Mrs. Maisel mug for Christmas

And this Mrs. Maisel journal

I try to write down my goals here. I've missed a lot of days so far though.

But watching this vision board video helped me realize the beginning of one of my dreams to work at home and I got into a transcribing program online. I still have my 9-5 office "gig," and transcribing can be hard as hell sometimes, but it's the kind of challenging, interesting work I can really get into. Not proofreading like I've been aiming for, but it's in the same realm. From there I can work towards captioning and possibly translation- Let's see.

I bought a ticket to Marc Maron's show "Hey, There's More" later this month.  I am excited and psyched. Though this involves me trekking up to Connecticut on a Metro North again and Lord knows I haven't had much luck with that lately, I'm going to take my chances with it this time. I might even be able to spend the night at my Titi Janis' house afterwards even though I'm allergic to dogs. Maybe the following day we will do something in honor of her brother Uncle Jeff, whose birthday would have been the following day.

So I've been realizing that a certain kind of comedy makes me feel "safe". Which is weird because comedy can be very mean and biting. But a certain kind of humor makes me feel secure and somewhat empowered. A few years ago my therapist at the time asked me to close my eyes and imagine a place that I would feel very safe in. I came up with being alone in my living room watching The Kids in the Hall.

Another time I imagined a busy but comfy coffee shop where I was left alone to write. Another time after that it was out in a windy, cloudy, brisk kind of beach sitting near a shore on some huge rocks, waves crashing and the smell of the salty ocean. I was probably writing. Or just sitting and taking in the atmosphere.

Venturing out to see Marc Maron's show and putting myself through the "Connecticut ordeal" again is not something I'm eager to do. Maybe I should've just waited until he was back in New York. But last time he was playing at the Beacon, tickets looked close to $250. So I opted for considerably lower price tickets and the possibility of seeing family nearby. And I guess some more of that safe, empowered feeling.